


Desolation, Not Shock

by QueenoftheWallflowers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy is not dead, Clarke grieves, F/M, Fix It Fic, Fix-It of Sorts, Miller is supportive, Soulmates Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, canon au 7x07, inspired by what Lindsey said, she breaks down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25029253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheWallflowers/pseuds/QueenoftheWallflowers
Summary: "Clarke Griffin doesn't break."Clarke finds out that Bellamy is dead.Title is taken from *that* interview
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 27
Kudos: 142





	Desolation, Not Shock

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by an interview that came out today/last night.so kinda spoilerish? 
> 
> Clarie this is for you. Hope I got this right.

Gabriel is smiling when he sees her and Clarke is happy to see a familiar face.  
He looks good, dressed in white, no wounds on face and she thinks, maybe it will be okay.  
If's he's in front of her, no wounds, no guns pointed at her, then maybe things will be okay.  
She pushes the thought of Mount Weather out of her mind.  
She will get her people back and then leave.  
But then he tells her "Bellamy is dead."  
And the world stops.  
And suddenly she can't breathe.  
Her heart stops.  
Her heart is gone.  
The words seem to steal all the air in the room.  
Bellamy is dead.  
Bellamy is dead.  
Clarke shakes her head, frantically, eyes pleading at him, at someone, anyone to tell her that it's not true. To tell her that it's a joke.  
To tell her that Bellamy is not dead.  
To tell her that the universe would not be cruel enough to take him from her again.  
Not after she just got him back.  
Not after she lost another member of her family.  
Bellamy can't be dead.  
He can't.

"No.No.No."  
Gabriel looks at her softly, "Clarke, Bellamy is dead."  
His heart is breaking for her, he had been there when Bellamy had willed her to life. He had been there as Bellamy risked it all, refused to give up on her.  
He had given up the love of his life for them.  
But he had seen the memory.  
She can feel all the eyes on her but she doesn't care.  
How can she care?  
How can she care about anything?  
Bellamy is dead.  
"No.No. No."  
She can feel Raven reach for her but she steps away, backing up as Gabriel approaches her slowly.  
When his hands grab his wrists, she flinches. His hands are huge and warn and it reminds her of Bellamy and she closes her eyes.  
It's not real.  
He's not dead.  
It's not real if she doesn't open her eyes right?

"Clarke..."  
She opens her eyes to looks at him as he says her name softly and his eyes are soft and there are tears in them and she knows that he's telling the truth.  
She lets out a sob and crumbles to the ground and Gabriel kneels with her.  
She can't breathe.  
She wants to laugh at the irony of the man who had helped Bellamy bring her back to life being the one to tell her about his death.  
But she can't laugh.  
How can she laugh, how can she live, how can she survive in a world where Bellamy Blake does not exist?  
She wants to laugh.  
She thinks of Raven's words, utter not so long ago in the depths of Nakara.  
_Clarke Griffin does not break._  
Well, she's breaking now.

She lets out a sob, on her knees, body hunched over, hands on the floor, keeping her upright, as her chest heaves, trying to breathe.  
Bellamy is dead.  
The words rattle in her brain, they seep into her bones and everything feels heavy.  
Gabriel is saying something to her and someone is running a hand through her hair and Clarke can't breathe.  
Her world is caving in.  
How does someone exist without a heart?  
Bellamy is dead and she's breaking.  
What happened to together?  
They were supposed to have peace.  
Get that drink.  
They were supposed to be happy, finally.  
He can't be dead.  
She shakes her head, "No, no. No. He's not dead."  
He's not dead.  
There is no world that Bellamy is dead and she is breathing.  
"I should have asked him to stay."  
It's a whisper, guilt in her voice.  
If she had let herself be selfish, if she has asked him to stay he wouldn't be dead.  
If she asked him to stay, he and Octavia would have stayed longer, they wouldn't have gone to the anomaly, and Bellamy wouldn't have died.  
His death is on her.  
She should have checked in on them.  
The hand on her hair stops and someone cups her face, trying to get her to raise her head, and she closes her eyes.  
If she opens them if she looks into their eyes that she has to face it.  
"Clarke.." When she opens them it's Raven who is looking at her, tears in the corner of her eyes.  
She runs her thumb over Clarke's cheek wiping away a tear.  
Clarke hates the way she looks at her, a mixture of pity and shock.  
"Clarke..."  
Clarke bursts into laughter, scaring Raven, tears streaming down her face.  
She pulls her face away from Raven's hands.  
"I guess Clarke Griffin does break."  
Clarke buries her face into her hands, trying to take deep breaths.  
Raven's face crumples at her words then her arms are pulling Clarke close.  
Clarke's body shakes as she cries, her hands clutching Raven's jacket.  
Clarke is hit with the realization that this is wrong.  
Bellamy is the one who watches her break.  
He's the one who holds her, who give her comfort as she breaks as she worries.  
And now, she will never feel his arms around her again.  
She will never be able to bury her face into his neck and breath in his comforting scent.  
She will never be able to tell him that she loves him.  
Her sobs are loud and utterly heartbreaking.  
But she feels nothing.  
She is numb.  
How can she feel anything when Bellamy is dead?  
Bellamy who is all heart, Bellamy who she can let herself feel and break around.  
How can one's live with a broken heart?  
How does one live without their heart?  
Bellamy is her heart, he's her home.  


Raven bites her lip to keep from sobbing.  
She looks up and Gabriel is on the other side of Clarke, running his hand down her back. Miller is standing, eyes angry, chin jutted out at the other people in the room, almost as if he is daring them to say something, to do something, gun in his hand.  
Niylah's eyes are red as she meets Raven's eyes a sad smile on her face, her gun is pointed.  
And Jordan, he's staring at Clarke, horrified at the woman he had heard stories about breaking.  
And Raven understands his horror.  
Clarke Griffin is Clarke Griffin.  
She is Bellamy's Princess, Wanheda, Madi's family.  
Clarke Griffin does not break.  
She had said those words.  
She had believed them.  
But she was wrong.  
So wrong.  
Because Clarke Griffin didn't just break.  
She shattered.  
She wraps her arms around Clarke tighter.  
When she lost Finn, Shaw it had hurt her but her loss was nothing compared to Clarke's.  
Bellamy was Clarke's other half.  
He was her best friend, her co-leader, her everything.  
Raven wasn't sure if she believed in soulmates but if she did, then Clarke and Bellamy definitely were.  
Her heart breaks for Clarke.  


Clarke cries, she cries for the mother and father she lost, for the friends, for the lovers, but most of all she cries for Bellamy.  
He's her home.  
He kept her sane while she was on the ground for six years.  
He's her best friend.  
Her's heart.  
And now he's gone.  


She closes her eyes as she thinks of him.  
The way he had hugged her on the ground as she had barrelled into him, relief coursing through her blood, the hesitation before his arms squeeze her, the way his skin tasted salty under her lips and she pressed them to his neck.  
She thinks of him in his cardigan, the way he had run to her, holding her as she asked him to reassure her.  
She thinks of his tan shirt, soft curls, the way he squeezes her shoulder.  
_If I'm on that your list, you're on that list._  
The softness in his eyes and the strength of his arms as he hugs her, making her feel safe at the end of the world. The way he looks at her as she tries to tell him how important he is to her.  
_I've got you for that._  
The way he looks standing in the light of the rover, mug in his hands.  
_She is_  
The frantic tone of his voice as he pounded on her chest, willing her to life, refusing to give up on her.  
_I need you_  
She needs him.  
She needs Bellamy.

He can't be dead.  
He can't be.  
The head can't exist without its heart.  
She can't exist without him.  
He's not dead.  
She won't believe it.  
She won't believe it until she sees him, it, Octavia with her own two eyes.  
He's not dead.  
He can't be.  


Raven is aware of Miller moving suddenly, and Gabriel gets up but she doesn't pay much attention to it until Gabriel is touching her shoulder.  
"I got her."  
He helps Clarke up, wrapping an arm around and to Raven's surprise, Clarke clings to his side.  
She looks up at them, her eyes are red and she looks empty.  
It reminds Raven of how Bellamy looked, up on the ring the first few years, and every time some mentioned Clarke's name, like a piece of him, was missing.  
Even when things had gotten better and he had smiled more, saying her name was enough to bring the empty look in his eyes.  
Miller points a gun at the man in white who is smiling at them, he greets them but Raven is too busy looking at Clarke who simply looks at him, exhausted.  
He lets them a pass, but Raven hears them whisper "the key".  
Clarke is no longer crying but next to Gabriel she looks so small.  
She nudges Jordan who is scanning the hallway.  
"Everything okay?"  
He shakes his head, whatever he is about to say is interrupted by a gasp.  
Raven looks up to see Echo in front of them, next to her is Dioyza and next to her is...  
"Octavia!"  
Clarke's voice is loud, echoing through the hallway and Octavia's eyes widen.  
"Clarke."  
Her eyes scan over the blonde and she takes in her red eyes and the way she trembles slightly.  
"Oh Clarke."  
She steps towards and Clarke stumbles away from Gabriel into Octavia's arms.  


"Tell me it's not true."  
Octavia closes her eyes, squeezing her arms around her tighter.  
If she thought comforting Echo, who she doesn't like, was hard, it's nothing trying to comfort Clarke who she loved at one point and who her brother still loves.  
"I'm sorry."  
Octavia can feel the way Clarke's fingers dig into her skin and the way she nuzzled into her neck, seeking out the familiarity that comes with being a Blake.  
"He loved you, he always did."  
Clarke shakes her head, a muffled sob making its way out of her mouth and Octavia closes her eyes.  
"He loves you. He poisoned me to save you. He brought you back. He loves you."  
She keeps muttering it as Clarke shakes her head.  
"I never told him."  
Octavia presses a kiss to her cheek, her hand under Clarke's jacket pressing her fingers to Clarke's shirt, holding her close.  
"He knows." It seems to calm her down and Octavia bows her head, pressing her lips to Clarke's shoulder.  
She thinks of the way Bellamy had looked, so happy so at peace as Clarke had come running towards him back at Camp Jaha.  
_There's something I never I thought I would see before._ She thinks of the look on his face, the heartbreak and desperation in his eyes, the way he was determined to bring her back as she laid on that table, her heart no longer beating until he did it for her.  
Clarke pulls away and she gives Octavia a watery smile, her hands trembling as she brushes away a tear on Octavia's face.  
Somehow, Octavia has made it better.  
"He loves you too. You're his sister."  
Octavia bites her lip. Clarke's breaking yet she's offering a little comfort to her.  
"We are his family."  
Clarke presses her forehead against her and Octavia squeezes her hand.  


"I need to see the body, the grave."  
Octavia pulls away, eyes wide.  
"Clarke."  
Clarke's nails dig into her skin and she raises her chin.  
"I need to see him."  
Her voice is determined and unwavering and soft, it's heartbreak and strength wrapped into one.  
"There is no body."  
"I need to see."  
Her voice is pleading and Octavia closes her eyes, the last thing she wants is to relive it but she can't deny Clarke this.  


Clarke clutches Octavia's hand as she watches Octavia's memories.  
She lets out a soft gasp as the explosion happens and squeezes her hand tighter.  
She can hear Echo growl and the others are gasping but Clarke can't focus on anything but the memory.  
"Again please."  
Octavia nods and she lets the memory come to the front of her mind.  
Miller watches Clarke, her eyes narrow and she tilts her head, analyzing the memory.  
Something in her changes, her back straightens and her eyes harden and it reminds him of how Bellamy was when Clarke had managed to send him a message in morse code.  
"He's not dead."  
Miller closes his eyes at the words, he's not surprised. Neither Clarke nor Bellamy were willing to give up on the other.  
"Clarke."  
Octavia sits up in her chair and Raven steps toward hand on her shoulder.  
"Clarke, we saw that memory..."  
"We saw an explosion, we saw the stone was open. Bellamy could have gone through."  
Miller can see the hope in her eyes and he rolls his eyes.  
They are going to get him killed.  
"So what's the plan?" The smile on her face is bright, full of hope and Miller knows he made the right choice.  
If he stood by and supported Bellamy when all he had were finger taps, he can support Clarke when all she has in an anomaly stone.  
He can support them both because they both have hope, they believe in the other.  
In the idea that the world can't exist without them together.  
They believe in the other.  
And while he's not a betting man, he would bet on Bellamy and Clarke every single time.  


**Author's Note:**

> So, I saw the first few minutes of the show, walked away when that scene came on and then my stream cut out and I couldn't find another link, so yeah.
> 
> If i don't see it, it's not canon right?
> 
> So an interview came out where Lindsey says she wanted Clarke to fall to her knees but was told to go for more shock.  
> Well that won't do so here we are.
> 
> I wrote this last night in between drinks and break downs and writing other fics and watching comfort tv shows. Wanted to pots but couldn't come up with a title till now. 
> 
> I hoped you all enjoyed this.


End file.
